Not an easy week

So this hasn't been an easy week. I think I've been more frustrated at bed rest than before, and after going to the doctors and finding out that Baby A (we're calling him Alfalfa for now) is measuring very small, well, I'm just not having an easy week. I feel like I've reached the point where you should hit the bottom or the corner should have turned by now, but I'm still falling and still pulling left.

Bed rest is one of those things that I thought I would be good at. I am a self proclaimed procrastinator and lazy. I'll admit it. Normally, if I could lay on the couch verses cleaning the kitchen, the couch wins every time. Now, its a daily struggle. Sometimes hourly or even minute by minute struggle. How can you be on bed rest and not find the time to shower? I don't think the issue is the time, I think its my motivation. I have none. Its like the frustration at being on bed rest at times is all consuming.

So after I reread all of this, then I feel like crap because I feel guilty for even thinking these things. I should feel happy and glad that I have a reason for bed rest and that my twins are growing and getting stronger every day. Its a never ending cycle. I'm hoping that letting it out just this once makes me feel like I've said it and I can move on. Maybe I'm just pouting because I didn't get to see Sex and the City with my sisters. I didn't get to celebrate my anniversary or Mother's Day or Father's Day or my husbands birthday. All very petty stuff I realize, but hey - thats why I'm going to blog about it --- its out there, and no one really reads it.